#Bipolar

Blog: Blog2

Lydia Lampert

Jul 15, 2015
4 min

When I am Grateful, I Find My Grace

Monday I began the Free 21 Day Meditation with Oprah and Deepak that was all over the internet. Thus far, it has been great, and I would definitely suggest it to anyone interested in getting back into their meditation habits or newly trying meditation. I find it totally amusing that I am even suggesting this to anyone when six months ago I shuddered at the thought of sitting still and becoming in touch with my inner self and being, but as I have said before and will say aga

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Lydia Lampert

Jul 9, 2015
2 min

The Last Dance…I Don’t Think So!

How many of us truly understand the final dance scene in Silver Linings Playbook? How many of us realize that it is an interpretation of Bipolar? That it symbolizes the dance we all do on a daily basis? How many people actually believe that “normal” people understood that part of the movie? Personally, I believe that everyone without a mental illness thought the final dance scene was disconnected, sporadic and made no sense. Hahahahahaha. Typical. How many people in America a

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Lydia Lampert

May 26, 2015
2 min

Three Months is a Lifetime

If you asked me three months ago if I could be still with myself, the answer would have been a strong, harsh no. Three months ago today I was sent home from Princeton House Inpatient facility after spending forty three days there. I was scared, unsure and still depressed, but no longer a danger to myself, as was the requirement for discharge. I barely remember coming home or beginning my DBT program the following day. Three months, however is a long time and in that time,

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 22, 2015
3 min

ACCEPTANCE IS NOT EASY

Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest (https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=acceptance). I’m having a difficult time with the acceptance part of my disease. I actually feel as if I need to be transcribing a eulogy to my former self, because that woman I loved is long gone and despite all my hard work over the p

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I Survived Tricky Tray: Tickets and Clappers and Beer, Oh My!

Lydia Lampert

Mar 22, 2015
4 min

I Survived Tricky Tray: Tickets and Clappers and Beer, Oh My!

Tonight was my first “official” night out amongst tons of people I know. My husband and I went out to support our school’s local PTO Tricky Tray. If you have not ever had the luxury of attending such a festival, let me try to recreate the picture for you. First of all, every year ours is held in the local fire hall. As you enter, directly across the room, over the vast array of folded tables, you see the bar, which is a somewhat makeshift wood paneled bar, manned by two of th

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 18, 2015
1 min

Bipolar Haiku

Maniacal laughs, Cause tears to stream down my face, Displaying raw pain. #Bipolar #depression #Mania #pain

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 17, 2015
3 min

Mental Jungle Juice

Triggers, triggers, everywhere. Triggers, triggers, should I care? On Monday at my outpatient program, we had a class called Understanding Triggers. There are five types of triggers according to Boon, Steele and van der hart, in their book Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation (2011). The triggers are: Time Related Triggers, Place Related Triggers, Relational Triggers, Internal Triggers and Sensory Triggers. The trigger I most related to was The Relational Trigger. Boo

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 16, 2015
3 min

Home Alone

Tomorrow is my first full day home alone since returning from the hospital and I am a nervous wreck. I am still far from well, and actually just had a meltdown tonight over picking up my boys from the sitter tomorrow. Although my moods are a bit more stable, tonight I feel like I am slipping downward again. I am fighting it and trying my DBT skills that I have learned in outpatient, but they really do nothing for me in the moment. Is anyone familiar with DBT? It is all new t

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 14, 2015
5 min

Daddy Issues

Everyone has a story to tell. I met a gentleman while I was in the hospital that heard me talking about my blog, and he approached me to see if I could help him write his life’s story. Of course I told him I would, so we got to work forming an outline. We swapped email addresses and phone numbers when he was discharged and I do have all intention to help him, but it got me thinking. Why don’t I write my story myself? It’s not like I don’t have one to tell. Personally things

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 11, 2015
3 min

Modern Day Fart Man

I have to say over the past two months, I came to the realization that some people really, really love to fart, and some even more than others. While I was in Princeton House, I met many people that had no issues with what one might call “Crop Dusting.” After my first day there out amongst the other patients, I learned very quickly to never walk behind many of the patients. We were told to take into consideration that the people on our unit were troubled, had issues and wer

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 9, 2015
3 min

The Incarcarated Bipolar Poet

I figured I would share some of the poetry I wrote while I was hospitalized. It certainly captures the velocity at which my moods were changing. I hope you like them, especially considering they were written with a smuggled pen after lights out and a sweatshirt skirting my bed lamp so they would think I was sleeping soundly. Don’t quite know what I could have done with a pen, but the patients were not allowed to have them. In time you will find out just how seriously they tak

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Lydia Lampert

Mar 8, 2015
3 min

My Very Own Breakfast Club

During one of our journaling groups, I was asked to write about what I have gotten thus far from Princeton House (the hospital in which I spent 43 days). At the time, I had already been there 38 days. I think they were looking for concrete answers, but you know me, I know of no such thing. I realize when I went in I promised all my readers a day by day account of my stay, never realizing it was going to be so very long. I figured I would share some of my most memorable expe

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Lydia Lampert

Jan 13, 2015
1 min

And so it begins…

The hospital called and they have a bed. We are off and I am scared, but here’s to the beginning of the journey to find me again. #Bipolar #depression #hospitalization #manicdepression

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I Only Say Goodbye for Now, So I Can Greet You With a Smile Next Time We Meet

Lydia Lampert

Jan 13, 2015
4 min

I Only Say Goodbye for Now, So I Can Greet You With a Smile Next Time We Meet

I came to the realization today that I can no longer try to battle this disease alone. After dropping my children off at school, I felt limp and dead inside as I pulled over to the side of the road. Prior to leaving to bring them to school, my husband and I had words. He told me how we are all living in hell, and I quickly informed him that no one was living in hell more than I. I yelled at him that he should try living in my brain, the brain which has turned on me and const

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Lydia Lampert

Jan 11, 2015
1 min

Depression Is a Thief

You have robbed me of my smile, not only the external one, but the internal one as well. I hate you almost as much as I hate myself right now. #depression #battlingdepression #Bipolar #anger #facesofdepression

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Lydia Lampert

Jan 7, 2015
5 min

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

I met a good friend of mine for breakfast this morning. She is well aware of my recent struggles, so much so that she actually brought me her old punching bag (No, not her husband!), so that I could take out some of my extra energy by using it. While I waited for her to arrive at the diner where we usually meet, I called another good friend of mine to talk for a while. Well, I did most of the talking because I am so revved up today! I rambled on and on about my therapy appoi

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Hello Bipolar, My Name Is Lydia: Manic Ramblings to My Disease

Lydia Lampert

Jan 6, 2015
7 min

Hello Bipolar, My Name Is Lydia: Manic Ramblings to My Disease

I wish you would have introduced yourself earlier in my life. Perhaps you tried and I turned a cold shoulder because I was trying to run away from the overwhelming feelings I experienced starting at the age of ten. Was that you who intensified my first broken heart when the boy I liked in fourth grade did not give me a Valentine and I couldn’t stop crying? I was crying so hard and inconsolably that the school nurse had to call my mother to come pick me up from school. I reme

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Lydia Lampert

Jan 5, 2015
3 min

The Fury Within My Brain

I decided to forego my Ambien last night. As I sat quietly reading in bed, my eyes became heavy and I thought for sure I could sleep without it. I closed my book, rolled over and held my husband as he slept soundly next to me. I drifted off for a little over an hour, and then it happened. Eyes wide open at 1:00 am, chopped ideas of poetry I should compose coming in, one after the other, followed by lyrics to songs I love, worries about the day to come where I would be running

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Louis Zamperini, You Are My Hero: We Should All Remain Unbroken

Lydia Lampert

Jan 4, 2015
3 min

Louis Zamperini, You Are My Hero: We Should All Remain Unbroken

Last night, my husband and I actually had a date. For the first time in a very long time, I felt good enough to go out, so our boys were at sleepovers and I told him we should go get dinner and maybe check out a movie. His eyes lit up like the Christmas tree we, only hours before, had taken down. “Of course, whatever you want to do! I am just happy to be able to see a glimpse of my wife come through.” So, I got dressed, fixed my hair and even put on some makeup. I went so fa

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Lydia Lampert

Jan 4, 2015
2 min

God I Can Hear You

Tonight instead of writing a long post, I was overtaken with emotion and had this poem come to me. I dedicate this poem to my dear friends, Tiffany and Dianne, with an abundance of love. I am not much of a rhymer, as it’s definitely not my thing, but I am either going completely insane or these words were sent to me. They came immediately into my head tonight and I knew this was a sign. I had to share them for there may be someone else out there like me, questioning their fa

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