• Lydia Lampert

I’m Reading the Signs: Living My Version of Silver Linings Playbook

Yesterday was a big day at Eagles Stadium, and I was there in the midst of the chaos and chants, amongst all those drinking and rallying, prepping to take on the hated Dallas Cowboys, for whom I was secretly rooting.  When my husband surprised me with these tickets three months ago for my birthday, I was ecstatic.  I have loved the Dallas Cowboys since I was a ten year old little girl. Way back when during the days of Danny White and Tom Landry, they lured me in with their big Thanksgiving Day wins.  I couldn’t wait to go down to Philadelphia with our great friends and tailgate, regardless of the fact that it would be December.  And yesterday, was a HUGE game.  They were tied for the division and the last time Dallas lost to the Eagles, it was on Thanksgiving in Dallas Stadium. Yesterday was a supersized game and any fan would kill to be there.

But this past week leading up to the game had been an emotionally draining one to say the least and last Monday, I actually questioned my ability to even get off the couch and want to go.  However, yesterday morning, I woke up and decided I was going, and no matter how much effort it took, I was going to participate in this day, experience this game and let nothing stand in my way, let alone this awful thing called depression.  So we packed up and headed out for Philly.

On the ride, I told my husband I was feeling like Pat Saulatano from Silver Linings Playbook when his dad made him go to the Eagles-Giants game. I was anxious, worried and nervous about being around all those people. Would I be able to act happy? Would I be able to relax?  Would people notice the blankness in my eyes? I was torn but we were already on our way. I again voiced my concerns to my good friends when we arrived at their house, but they handed me a Miller Lite and slowly my apprehension began to fade. I began to loosen up a little, and began having fun, and saw a glimpse of the “old” me. It was kind of nice to be honest.  I was forgetting how awful I actually had been feeling, and I was allowing myself to do this because I knew it would be there waiting for me in the morning. I was allowed to take a day off from the doldrums of hell.

The night carried on filled with people singing the Eagles Anthem, smells of barbeques burning, games of bean bag toss around every corner and an overall feeling of excitement.  I was having so much fun and the game had not even started yet.  My husband was relaxing because he saw I was back, even if it was going to be fleeting.  Things felt “normal” and the game had not yet even started.

At about 7:30 we made our way into the stadium, and I sat amongst a sea of fans dressed in green, and I had no intention of letting even one of them know I had my Dallas socks on for good luck.  I was hoping and praying the Cowboys would come in with a vengeance as payback for their horrendous loss this Thanksgiving and they did just that! But as a Cowboy fan, you can never get too cocky until the final score shows.  They looked great though. They were out for blood and I was happy. Yes, I said it. I was happy. My husband even texted my daughter, “Mommy is super happy…”  And I am sure she was thinking to herself that it was about time. But I was. I felt like a person right then, alive and exuberant and cheering! For the first time, in a long time, happiness did not feel like work.

The Cowboys did beat the Eagles yesterday, for those who did not know, 38-27. It was an incredible feeling. They did not allow the Eagles to keep them down after that hard loss on Thanksgiving, and to me, I am reading the signs. Someone was sending me a sign, telling me it is possible to rally; it is possible to overcome adversity. This game was very important on so many levels, from NFC East stats to revenge for the previous game they lost, to showing me I could still find happiness from time to time.  I found my Silver Lining in Philadelphia yesterday, not only because Dallas won, but because going to that game gave me some hope.  And to further cement my belief in signs, I found out today, that Bradley Cooper was actually there yesterday too, as himself, cheering on his Philadelphia Eagles, while I, in my screwy mind, was there as his character from his former movie.  What bigger sign is there than that, I ask?

#depression #Fightingdepression

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